Quote of the Week: Conforming

“It is better to be hated for what you are than to be loved for what you are not.”

― André Gide, Autumn Leaves

Image from: http://edonn.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/07/masks.jpg

To a certain degree, all of us conform to meet other people's expectations of us. We all act a certain way to get people to like us, and some of us even compromise our own morality in order to please others. We are so concerned about what others think of us that we forget about what we think of ourselves. That is especially true for those with mental illness. So many people with mental illness want to be "normal"; they want to be treated like they don't have an illness. But the fact is, there is no "normal." By denying who they are, they are living a lie. What is more important, the fear of being hated for who you are or the opportunity to be loved for it? Be true to who you are. By being true to yourself, you open up the possibility of finding someone who appreciates that part of you.

There are always setbacks...

Original Art by Nikki K.

I have mentioned before that I self harm. All of the specifics are superfluous at this point, and probably at any point. The fact of the matter is, I had not self-injured in nearly four months. Four. That was approaching a record. Today, I am starting over at step 1. Hopefully, by the time you read this, I will have significantly more time saved up.

I have been hurting myself since I was 16.

Nearly 12 years. I saw a friend do it, thought it looked like an interesting coping skills, and gave it a go. Whoa! That is something that is difficult to come back from.

Some Facts

The NHS (National Health Society in the United Kingdom) says that “self-harming is the physical expression of emotional distress.” Ties in pretty well since I see it as a coping skill - it was how I dealt with problems and emotions I did not feel strong enough to face. In addition, according to the University of Michigan Health System, when some people feel pain, their brains release dopamine. Dopamine is a chemical often associated with pleasure, and even addiction.

According to Matthew K. Nock (2010), shame was among the most common emotions felt after self-injury, in addition to anger and guilt. I can attest on a personal level, I feel anger, shame and guilt. I am so angry with myself for letting it get this far. I am ashamed of the marks on my body! I want to cover it up, and find myself wearing my sweaters, even when I am alone. I also feel ashamed of myself, and I do not want to let my support system know how very low I have gotten. It took me a little while to get myself together and admit the truth, and that has only been to the 3 people incredibly close to me.

Starting Over

First, you have got to learn some reasonable coping skills that don’t involve hurting yourself or anyone else. I’ve said it time and again: get a therapist. My therapist walks me through all of my naive questions. Things I figure are being taught to children, she is working on with me, even though I am embarrassed and hurting. This time, she told me mistakes happen. She told me I can come back from this. She said she understood the craving, and that 12 years of a habit can’t just be undone. And she reminded me of my coping skills. Here are a few that usually work for me.

1. Take a DEEP breathe. Hold it. Let it go. An app through Android is Flowy. That has helped with my breathing a lot. It’s just a silly little pirate, but it’s pretty helpful.
2. Ask for help. Call a friend, call a trusted family member, call the National Suicide Lifeline at 1 (800) 273-TALK (8255) or the Kern County Mental Health Hotline at 1 (800) 991-5272. Someone can help.
3. Take care of you! Take a bath, or a shower. If you are somewhere you can’t get away from, just slip into the bathroom and wash your hands slowly, over and over, until you can function again. Do something that makes you feel good.
4. Read a book. Distract yourself. Draw a picture, even if it just on your skin.

If you have a suggestion, feel free to post in the comments below! I am always looking for something new to try to help me out when I am feeling overwhelmed!


Take care of you.


-Nikki

Matthew K. Nock http://www.wjh.harvard.edu/~nock/nocklab/Nock_ARCP_2010.pdf

National Health Services/UK: http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Self-injury/Pages/Causes.aspx

University of Michigan http://www.med.umich.edu/opm/newspage/2006/dopamine.htm

How Can You Help? SPARC Update

It’s almost that time again for our SPARC meeting. March 26, 2015 at the Commonwealth Building (3300 Truxtun Avenue). “SPARC meeting” you ask? Individuals from Kern County Mental Health and other local agencies meet up on a quarterly basis to discuss and plan ways to educate the community about suicide and suicide prevention. Not only is it for mental health professionals, but for everyone in the community as well. I strongly encourage you to go. This is a wonderful opportunity to talk about suicide in a safe environment, learn some information about suicide, and hopefully help make the community a bit little safer to talk about suicide, the “s” word.
So if you happen to be free this Thursday from 1:00 – 3:00 p.m., you should attend the meeting. There will be talk about the new Suicide Safe App, plans for May is Mental Health Month events, and also collaboration for the poster campaign. Currently we have “Know the Signs” posters at (or given them to):

• Aera Energy
• The Mint
• VIP Lounge
• Ethel's Old Corral
• Frank Amestoy's Bar
• The Wright Place
• Guntrie's Alley Cat
• Bellvedere Cocktail Lounge
• Jerry's Pizza
• Starbucks: Mt. Vernon, Auburn & Oswell, Marketplace, Ming & Ashe, L & 24th St.
• Bakersfield Country Club
• CSUB Counseling Center
• CSUB University Counselor Training Clinic
• Fit for Life Gym
• Strength and Health Gym
• 24 Hour Fitness: Gosford
• Firehouse Restaurant
• Body Xchange: White Ln.

I hope to see you there and if you have any questions, please leave us a comment or email us at mhsparc@gmail.com. For more information, check out the SPARC Meeting page on Facebook, Have a lovely day! 

- Alison

Quote of the Week: Changing Perspective

“We can complain because rose bushes have thorns, or rejoice because thorn bushes have roses.” 

― Abraham Lincoln

Image from: http://www.flowerclipart.com/flower_clipart_images/red_rose_with_thorns_and_long_stem_0515-0812-2920-4001_SMU.jpg

Mood is all about perspective. If I'm in a bad mood, it's because I choose to see things in a negative light. Happy people make happy choices, and see things in a positive light. Sometimes, it is really hard to make happy choices. Sometimes, life is filled with miserable experiences, and it
takes all your effort just to get out of bed in the morning. However, that choice is still there. So, instead of living in the misery, choose to rejoice in the happiness of your situation. Happiness doesn't play favorites. Anyone can achieve it. It's just a matter of your perspective.

Stigma From Within Mental Health

Image courtesy of Theeradech Sanin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

My Perspective
I am unsure if I mentioned this before, but I currently work at the crisis hotline and a student in-training to be a therapist. I am passionate about helping those who are going through a rough time or assisting people who want to learn more about themselves, to improve and maintain their mental health. Myself included. I figured those who enter the helping field, including physicians, are invested in helping their clients/patients without judgment. Turns out, I’m wrong.

Reality Check
Recently, I was confronted with information that unnerved me: those who work in mental health and medicine also stigmatize mental illness and suicide. That really shook my core because there is nothing wrong or shameful about experiencing symptoms of a mental illness. It’s a part of our overall health. Engaging in unhealthy or unsafe coping skills or expressing suicidal thoughts is not a crime, but a symptom of an underlying problem that needs to be addressed, not shamed. Stigma about suicide, self-harm, and mental illness that is present in mental health and medicine mirrors the stigma found in the community. Physicians who perceived those with mental illness poorly would be uncomfortable seeking mental health services for themselves.¹

What Can We Do?
We need to keep talking about mental health, mental illness, and suicide in our communities. We need to continue educating the community, including our health care providers, about suicide to decrease its “scary” factor. Schedule a QPR or ASSIST training for your organization to learn more about suicide. And we need to continue taking care of ourselves, seeking help from therapists and psychiatrists when needed, and caring for our friends, loved ones, and coworkers. By talking about suicide and mental illness, we can end the shame and promote getting help.

References
1. Corrigan, P.W., Mittal, D., Reaves, C. M., Haynes, T. F., Han, X., Morris, S., and Sullivan, G. (2014). Mental health stigma and primary health care decisions. Psychiatry Research, 218, p. 35-38.

Let us create a world...

My daughter has been diagnosed with Bipolar 1 and PTSD. 

The day she was diagnosed, the first thing she said was, "What if my friends find out?"

I didn't know what to say. 

I also have Bipolar 1 and PTSD, among other things. I know all about the stigma. So I tell her I have these illnesses as well, that many people in the world have a mental illness, and that I love her more than anything. I explained what her medications were and what they would do. I allowed her to ask any and all of her questions and answered her as honestly as I could.

And then I told her she didn't need to tell anyone anything. I explained that some people would judge her. They might tease her, and though it wasn't right, it was something she could handle. I told her to report any bullying to the school officials. I told her to keep her mental illness a secret if she wanted to. By the time she went walking off to class, my heart was shattered.

Dr. Margarita Tartakovsky explains that common myths regarding mental illness include: (1) those with mental illness are violent, (2) they are unpredictable, and (3) they never get better. She says ideas like this lead to fear, avoidance, and discrimination. These misconceptions stop people who are suffering from seeking help.

Today, I gave my daughter necessary help. 

It is hard, she's only 7. I don't have support from my family. They think this is all my fault. However, I know she needs this help now so that she can learn to manage her illness as she gets older. She has some of the same illnesses I have, and I know with enough time, I will be able to teach her how to function with her illness. It is no different than needing to wear glasses or having an allergy or asthma. She will have to take a medication every day, she will have to watch what she eats and she will need to learn to control her environment, and her reactions. She will have to learn to ask for what she needs, and she will need to learn to cope when she can't have what she needs.

Taking steps to be healthy can be very difficult.

It takes a lot of strength to admit you are struggling and need help. I took that step and I feel like I'm stabilizing. My daughter admitted her struggles and she gets to learn how important self care and mental health is.

We are on a difficult road, but bravely we step forward, together. Take that step with us. Let's admit our struggles, and find the help we deserve. Let's change perceptions. Let's create a world where my daughter doesn't feel ashamed of her illness, but instead, realizes the strength within her.

-Nikki

Tartakovsky, M. (2009). Media’s Damaging Depictions of Mental Illness. Psych Central. Retrieved on March 5, 2015, from http://psychcentral.com/lib/medias-damaging-depictions-of-mental-illness/0002220

Quote of the Week: What Makes Success?

"Success is not final, failure is not fatal: it is the courage to continue that counts."

- Winston Churchill

People tend to see a successful person as someone with lots of money who is either a CEO or owner of some big company. On the either hand, people tend to see someone who has failed as someone who is suicidal and/or depressed. 

Neither of these are true. A person with lots of money most likely had to fail a lot before becoming successful. Also, just because someone is suicidal and/or depressed does not mean that person's life won't turn around and become something amazing. 

Success and failure fluctuate with time. A good day may lead to a bad one, and vice versa. Therefore, have courage to follow the fluctuation. A failure is not the end of the world. Keep going, because success is right around the corner waiting for you. You should also appreciate success when it happens, instead of waiting for the inevitable time where you fail. Be brave, continue through failure, and cherish success. Above else, enjoy the life you've been given. 

Image from: http://www.drsunil.com/wp/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/success-on-mountain-top-shutterstock_115642099.jpg

Positives and Negatives

Image courtesy of rakratchada at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Good and Evil. Right and Wrong. Yin and Yang. Positive and Negative. Life is filled with opposites. The general idea is that two completely different ideas come together to offer balance and equality. However, a lot of people would disagree with that point. It seems like there is more negativity than positivity in the world. For instance, right now my spell check recognized the word "negativity", but not "positivity". News stations also constantly report on tragedies, but offer little to no coverage on happy stories. Negativity seems to be the overwhelming majority in society.

Dr. Alison Ledgerwood commented on this phenomenon in a TED talk a few years ago. Alison studies social influence, and how this either gets people stuck in certain situations or helps people move past them. In her TED talk, she talks about how easy it is for us to focus on the negatives. She cites a study where the participants were shown both happy and sad scenarios and had their mood measured. The researchers found that, when the participants were shown a happy scene then a sad one, their mood went from happy to sad as well. However, when they were shown a sad scene then a happy scene, their mood stayed sad.

There is hope, however. We all have the power to focus on positivity, we just choose to ignore it. After focusing on the negatives for a long time, we may get into a negative spiral. If nothing is done about this, the negativity may lead to depression and suicidal thoughts. Robert Spadinger talks about this in his article, "What to do When You are Stuck in a Negative Spiral that Turns your Life Upside Down". He offers suggestions on how to counteract the negative spiral, such as replacing the negative thoughts with more positive ones and recognizing where the negative beliefs come from. Above all else, we need to practice. Force yourself to think at least one positive thought a day, and keep track of them if writing them down helps you. Also, surround yourself with people who will help you think positive thoughts. By recognizing negative thoughts and making a conscious effort at bettering ourselves, we can all lead well-balanced lives with positivity.



For more on the people mentioned in this post:
Alison Ledgerwood- https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7XFLTDQ4JMk
Robert Spadinger- http://everythingiswithin.com/stuck-negative-spiral-turns-life-upside/

I am ready to stop hiding... Mostly.

Hi. I’m Nikki. 

I mentioned in my introduction that I have a mental illness. To start, I am going to go into a bit more detail as to what that means for me, my journey with it, and the help I have been able to obtain.

I was 14 when I saw my first therapist. 

I had tried to commit suicide, survived without anyone knowing, and decided to talk to someone. It was just some guy at my high school who sat and listened to me talk for 40 minutes a week, and only for a few weeks. He thought I needed to see a doctor, but I didn’t want to. I wanted to feel better, but I didn’t know what was wrong, and I certainly did not want to try to explain that to my family. I was just scared and sad all of the time, even when I did not think I should be.

I started seeing the next therapist at 16:

Right before I started self-harming. I cycled through a few of them for the next 10 years before finally finding someone I could connect with. Since I was linked up with her, my life has improved 10-fold. Still, I think I am getting a bit ahead of myself.

Backing up to about 3 years ago

I started seeing a psychiatrist at the request of my then therapist. I had been suffering from an intense depression and she thought medication could make a substantial difference for me. That was the first time I was officially diagnosed with anything: depression. Many people in my family had been diagnosed with depression, so I wasn’t shocked. From that point moving forward, my natural cycles coupled with the medication induced cycles which resulted in numerous medication changes, suggested diagnoses, and three hospital stays.

Being Bipolar

It wasn’t until I got a more complete family history that Bipolar was even considered, and that was just over a year ago. Finally, I was properly diagnosed and medicated, and I have been able to recognize which parts of my life are related to mental illness versus those that are just me being poorly prepared to cope with life. So, yes, I have Bipolar Disorder I. That means I have very high periods, where I have what seems like limitless energy, where my moods sway from euphoric to irritated and back again, and where I can sleep two hours a night and no one thinks I am tired. I also have my low periods of deep depression, usually at their worst right after a high, when I struggle to get out of bed, when anxiety accompanies every move I make, and when I cry when the barista at Starbucks doesn’t smile right away when I walk up. There is much more to it than that, but that is a very general description. Everything else is sort of extra to me.

Finding a Team

I have been able to work with a talented therapist for about a year now. In the beginning, I resisted even the most basic of coping skills. I didn’t believe she would be able to help me, or that she even wanted to. I would get so angry that she would suggest that deep breathing might actually help when I was upset. It took a long time to really trust her, and I still struggle with that, but I have come a long way, and I trust her more than I have ever trusted anyone.

The team of people I have working with me include my psychiatrist, my therapist, my primary care doctor, and a couple of close friends and family members. These team members are essential to managing my illness. There are times when I don’t realize I am relapsing into unhealthy behaviors, but one of these people might. These are people I trust, who know my symptoms, as well as the consequences surrounding those symptoms, and who aren’t afraid to tell me, in a straightforward way, something is wrong. They are also people I can talk to when I know something is not right, and who will talk with me, and if necessary, take the difficult steps to get me help.

Some of the tools I use are my medications, DBT and process therapy, journals, and art supplies. Medications are a daily necessity. Therapy has taught me the skills I need to confront my illness. I do not always succeed. When I fail, I tend to fail magnificently. The point is, I get up and try again. Sure, I still cry in the closet, but I don’t cut when I am there. At least I haven’t in a while. Instead, I cry, and I journal, or I draw, and I am sad, and I just… am… sad. That is one example.

Okay, that is my story, in a pretty concise way. I am sure there is more to learn that will be exposed in any posts I make. Hopefully right now you feel less alone, you understand that the struggle is real, and that there is help. My advice? Find a therapist. Start there, and do not settle. It may take a while to get linked to the right therapist. Still, he or she is out there.

*You can do this. *

Quote of the Week: Survival

“You need to spend time crawling alone through shadows to truly appreciate what it is to stand in the sun.” 

― Shaun Hick

Image courtesy of federico stevanin at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Who have us hasn't had a bad day? Things get hard at work, relationships don't work out, fights with family members happen. Some days are just bad, and we do all we can to survive until the end of it. But what about those who are suicidal or depressed? Bad days become bad weeks, and "the end" becomes less and less clear. What is the point in surviving, when there is nothing to look forward to?

No matter how far away it may seem, the end of suffering is always there. Bad is only temporary, and the good is always achievable. And when the good times come, they will be appreciated even more because of the time you spent in the shadows. So keep fighting, struggling, and surviving. And remember, you are never alone. The bad times are more bearable with company, and company helps you enjoy the good times even more.

Introduction: Hi, I'm Nikki

Hi. I’m Nikki.

I am so excited to be a part of this project! I hate the stigma surrounding mental illness and suicide. I think making it difficult to talk about just shames people. Even right now, as I am writing this, I feel that fear that comes with admitting I struggle. Facing it just makes us all brave. Let’s be brave together.

I am not my illness! 

I am a mother, a student, a daughter and granddaughter, a lover, a volunteer and a friend. I do have an illness, though. I have been diagnosed with Bipolar I, with Borderline traits. I have anxiety and PTSD, as well. I have attempted suicide, and still struggle with the ideation.

I have just finished my BA in Psychology, and I am ready to earn my Masters so I can make a real difference for others who struggle with mental illness. My goal by participating in this blog is to let readers know there are other people struggling, and there are ways to get help! You can overcome, even when it is hard! Mental illness is real, and we are the face of it.

The Stigma of Suicide

Image courtesy of Sira Anamwong at FreeDigitalPhotos.net

How many of you have ever been unfairly discriminated against? It happens more often than you think. Despite living in an era of political correctness, people are still being judged based on their skin color, height, and even gender. It hurts being judged. You take it personal, even though you know you shouldn't, and before you know it you are believing the awful things that are being said about you.

Now imagine how it feels to have a mental illness. There is a social stigma surrounding mental illness. People frown upon it, and tend to view the person as inferior or less capable as everyone else. Dr. David L. Conroy, author of The Stigma of Suicide Within Us, writes, "Each person we seek help from has been conditioned to respond with fear, contempt, and aversion. Worse yet, when we became suicidal, we applied these ideas to ourselves. Much of the content of depressive rumination- I'm no good, I'm stupid, I'm a failure, I'm weak, I don't have enough will power- is simply the reflexive response of internalized stigma." It is like you are constantly being told how worthless you are, and any signs of weakness are support of that belief. For this reason, many people don't seek help because they feel like it is reinforcing the idea that they are weak and worthless.

But they're not weak. Many people seek mental health assistance every day, and are stronger because of it. Kevin Caruso, author of Stigma and Suicide, compares mental health assistance to a doctor's visit. If you broke a bone, no one would think you were weak for seeing a doctor. The same should be true for mental illness. So what can be done? First, anyone wanting help should seek it. If you are a resident of Kern County, you can call 1-800-991-5272 if you are having suicidal thoughts or need help getting set up with services. Next, you should remind yourself that there are people who understand and who care. Then, you should surround yourself with those people. Find a club, look for a support group, find anyone you can share your experiences with. If you are a worker reading this blog for information, you can help reduce the stigma all around us. Educate people you know who don't really understand suicide. If you are one of those people, reflect on where that stigma comes from and why you feel that way.

By acknowledging the stigma and working to reduce it, we can make this society a little more friendly for those with mental illness. We want you to talk to us about suicide, and the first step is realizing it's okay to do so.

-Brandon S





For more information on the articles mentioned, visit the authors' sites here:

Kevin Caruso: http://www.suicide.org/stigma-and-suicide.html
Dr. David L. Conroy: http://www.metanoia.org/suicide/stigma.htm