What I Like About Therapy

Original Art by Nikki K.

I recently wrote a post lamenting difficult therapy sessions. Then I read an article by a therapist regarding the things good therapists versus bad therapists might do. After all of this, I decided to give the top three reasons my therapist works for me. First, let’s go over the differences between counselors, therapists, psychologists, and psychiatrists.

• counselor: a person trained to give advice regarding a particular issue. These people usually have specific training, certifications, or degrees. For example: drug counselors, camp counselors, college counselors, etc.
• therapist: psychologically speaking, a person with an advanced degree, trained to assist in a variety of issues. A therapist has a BA/BS degree, an MA/MS, and has passed a licensing exam. If you are seeing a therapist, they will certainly have MFT or CSW after their name, and likely LMFT or LCSW if they are licensed.
• psychologist: an expert or specialist in psychology. This person will have a PhD in Psychology, and will go by Dr. Name.
• psychiatrist: a medical practitioner specialising in the treatment and diagnosis of mental illness. This person is an M.D., and can prescribe medication. In my experience, these appointments are generally shorter and occur less often than those with a therapist or psychologist.

Okay, when I finally found my current therapist, I wasn’t 100% sure we would work out. In fact, I was much more sure we wouldn’t. She was so damn perky! Still, I learned a long time ago that it takes more than one interview or session to decide such a thing. Soon, I learned that she was pretty amazing, and I began to trust her more than I had ever trusted a therapist. So, What changed?

Things I like about my therapist (and won’t compromise on if I ever need to get another)

1. First and foremost, I love that we have boundaries. Most people I know struggle with establishing a clear set of rules for interaction. Part of my illness means I struggle with boundaries already. I struggle to say no, to have healthy relationships, to ask for what I need, blah, blah, blah. With my therapist, this does not come into play. I have set appointments with my therapist, I can e-mail her at a work e-mail address, and I can call the office emergency number if I have an emergency. That is it. I do not have her cell phone number. She does not call me from home. I do not know where she lives, or even what she drives. I know where I stand with her 100% of the time. These boundaries keep me safe, and I value them. Full disclosure: sometimes it sucks. Sometimes I wish I could call her at 2 am to cry and vent. Instead, I am forced to deal with my illness, my emotions, and my drama. I breathe, I may write it out in an e-mail, I may be forced to rely on someone else in my support network; I survive. It is better this way.

2. Next: I trust her implicitly. I can say anything I want and I know she isn’t going to hate me. Really, anything I want. She may challenge my perception, she may laugh, she may be surprised. She is genuine in her reactions. Still, I know at the end of the session she is going to smile and wish me well, and I know I will see her again. She isn’t going to give up on me, or tell my secrets, or talk bad about me, or anything else. I think that trust is essential in a good therapist.

3. She is always in my corner. I can walk in and if I just need to rail on something, she is going to support me through that. Then she is going to challenge my perceptions and my reactions to help me grow. My best friends are going to be with me when I go flip the tables. My therapist is going to listen and then ask me what I could have done better, and that is exactly what I need if I am ever going to learn to manage my illness.

4. She’s been through it. She’s been through therapy. She has lived, she has hurt, and she is not scared to admit it.

Not everyone wants the same things from a therapist. These are the top three things I value, but you may want something entirely different. If you are considering looking for a therapist, consider making a list of things you want or need in a therapist. Try not to be unrealistic: a therapist who was an astronaut in another life is probably not likely, but be true to yourself, and don’t be afraid to ask for what you need.

Take care of you.

-Nikki

*Definitions taken from Google. Bold portions provided by me.