Today I went to a book sale. I have been looking for a nice used book store for a long time. There is something special about flipping through a book that someone else has owned, reading their notes, seeing what they’ve seen. I feel like I am sharing a world with another human, but I get to stay home, safe in my chair.
The downside of going to the book sale was that there were a lot of other people. Goodness, so many people. I pulled up to the store and my heart started racing. But I had came prepared. I had my daughter, a good friend, and my emergency medication.
My social anxiety can be intense. For me, my moods shift rapidly. I can leave the house without a problem, fulfill simple tasks, and suddenly it seems a switch is flipped. I can feel my heart beating faster, my head begins to pound, and I find myself glancing over my shoulder before every move. I apologize every time a person speaks to me. Eventually I give up, and just go home. Even from home, walking the four apartments to the laundry room becomes impossible.
But today, I went to a book sale. I took my emergency medication, but I stayed at the book sale. There were plenty of people, but I continued to walk around looking at the different books. I made sure to keep contact with my support system, the friend I had come with, and I kept my daughter close by, but allowed her to circulate.
I bought books, I spoke to strangers, and my daughter and I curled up on our couch and have had hours of peace reading beside each other. Every little excursion is worth celebrating, I think.
What have you celebrated?
-Nikki
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