The tendency to not like ourselves is partly because of the emphasis we have on self-worth. It's been drilled in our heads that we need to be the best looking, have the best clothes, and own the best stuff. That is what people commonly think self-esteem is. In order to have high self-esteem you have to work the hardest, be the smartest, and be better than everyone else. The reality of that is, however, that if everyone is trying to be the best, there will be one winner and thousands of losers.
Dr. John M. Grohol looks at self-esteem another way. Having high self-esteem doesn't mean you think you are better than everyone else. It simply means you accept yourself, both the good and the bad, and are able to live life accordingly. Dr. Grohol offers helpful suggestions in order to boost self-esteem and have a more positive sense of self-worth. First, become aware of who you are, both the good and the bad. If it helps, write a list of ten good and ten bad things about yourself. Once you are aware of who you are and what you can do, set goals for yourself. However, make sure these goals are realistic, Do not plan to be an astronaut in five years if you have no prior training in the field. Also, do not try to achieve things out of your control. For example, don't make your goal bringing your divorced parents back together.
Next, Dr. Grohol advises to revel in accomplishments. So many of us worry about things we need to do, that we forget to celebrate what we've already done. We also downplay our achievements. When someone congratulates us on a job well done, we tend to say things like, "It was nothing" or, "So-and-so did more work than me. I just helped." Instead, try a simple thank-you. Even if what you did is small in your eyes, that small achievement is worth celebrating.
It is also suggested that we get to know ourselves. Our true selves. This is more that just our strengths and weaknesses. It is who we are, what makes us unique, what we can do that no one else can, and what we may need help in. Once we've done that, we can be open to adjustment. We may find that there is something in an area we excel in that we don't know. Commonly, someone's response would be, "Oh that's impossible. I've been doing this for 20 years and have never seen that before." Well, rejecting that thing's existence won't solve anything. We are not fallible. Be willing to adjust, learn that thing, and become better for it.
The last tip is perhaps the most difficult. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others. That is not what self-esteem is, and it is not an accurate measure of self-worth. It doesn't matter if we have the best technology, the nicest clothes, or the most expensive car. We don't need to be smarter, stronger, or better than anyone else. We just have to like ourselves. And that is what self-esteem is all about.
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For more on Dr. John M. Grohol's article: http://psychcentral.com/blog/archives/2011/10/30/6-tips-to-improve-your-self-esteem/
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