Reaching for Sunshine
Photo by James Mitchell, with permission, titled: Dragonfly must Transmit
I have this friend:
We text back and forth almost every night. I complain about my day and he provides encouragement. He complains about work and I encourage him to quit. I never get to see him because he moved across the country a year ago, but he and I are still so very close.
I'm texting him tonight and I'm complaining about the day that would give Alexander and his entire family a run for their money, and he starts asking for the positives. He directs me to comics and music. This is all pretty normal as he is trying to encourage me to be more positive. I am not a very optimistic person, but I value that he cares enough to try. Anyway, We are talking back and forth, and I am doing the “Yeah, but…” thing I do when he is being sunny.
And then, he does something new.
He asks me about my favorites. My favorite anything, he said. Just make a list. I was feeling so negative, it took me a while to get going. Little things came to mind, like my current favorite song (a punk remix of Taylor Swifts"Blank Space"), or my favorite memory with him (great night at a 24-hour diner where we laughed for hours). He wanted more. So I gave it some thought. I came up with things like reading in the tub, and the comedian, Kathleen Madigan, and singing along to cheesy pop radio.
He wanted even more.
Eventually my list bordered on obscure, including things like my favorite childhood used bookstore, and how I loved the feel of a good pen with the perfect amount of ink flow. By the time he finished his list, I was feeling a million times better. We matched on some things, and there are things we can try together when we finally manage to get together. That's when I realized it sometimes just take a moment and a memory to brighten a crap day.
It is backed up by research, too!
Just thinking about an action triggers the hormone release associated with completing that same action. This goes for both the positive and negative emotions. When you are “in love” your body releases oxytocin. Just thinking about the person you care for releases that same hormone. I could get really complex here, but let’s suffice it to say that when you are thinking about stress and when you actually experience a stressful situation, the same hormones and chemicals are released.
This is different than the oft-mentioned “mindfulness,” which is when you fully notice an experience, good or bad. This is just thinking about doing something you enjoy. It doesn't have to be a memory. There are no rules, it is just what you find pleasing.
I tried it, again.
The next day I was having a very rough day. I was feeling sad, lonely, and overwhelmed. My anxiety was high and my coping skills seemed low. So, I went into the bathroom to hide. (We all do that, right?) I sat down and tried to think good thoughts. It was so hard! Still, I kept trying. I thought about the sunshine on a warm, but not stifling hot, day. The way it would warm my toes after leaving a cold movie theater. The way it felt when I laid in the grass after a picnic while my kid played in the water at one of the spray parks. I was able to stand up, and wash my hands slowly, enjoying the water and the soap, being mindful to the action and the intent.
Thinking of the sun triggered a plethora of thoughts related to the sun, and positive memories. It didn’t fix the day, I still had to leave the bathroom and face the stress, but it was a little bit easier.
*Separate, **Deep Breath **One more breath ***Attempt to make a decision that will not hurt you or those around you. Whatever it is, that moment is essential. What happens next?
**If you give it a go, please let me know how it works for you!
Take care of you.
-Nikki
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