Taking the Offensive

Original Painting by Nikki K. "Inspiration"

Being a human is hard. Being a human with a mental illness is even more difficult. Being the child of a parent with a mental illness sucks and being a child with a mental illness of a parent with a mental illness is chaotic.

Coming from a long line of mental illness means learning to adapt to unpredictable situations. One thing I do is watch my loved ones. I do this to gauge the mood of the room, and determine my position. I do the best I can to remain optimistic, but I often fail. I am not an optimistic soul. When I manage to be realistic, I try to be proud of myself. Realistically, today is going to be difficult; and realistically, I can choose to survive it.

The Offensive

It is important to start each day with the state of mind that you are going to own that day. Since I am a realist, I try to approach today as if it is going to be difficult, but also as though I have the skills to survive it. I wake up in the morning, and I go on the offensive. I immediately indulge in self-care; I do something just for me. Usually, I just wash my hands. I don’t know why this helps, but spending a minute washing my hands can make a difference. On days I know will be difficult, “Wal-Mart days”, I will add vanilla and chocolate to my morning coffee.

For you, this offensive step could be anything. My boyfriend showers first thing in the morning.My grandmother turns on her tv and reads the paper. Some people enjoy exercise. Whatever your thing is, do that first.

Supportive Player

For those of us with loved ones who struggle, the next thing is to help them get that first deep breath in the morning. I do not live with my mother, and rarely do I see her first thing in the morning, but when I do, I try not to talk to her before her first cigarette. If we happen to be together during that moment, I make small talk; nothing she has to think deeply about. This is my way of giving her peace before the chaos of everyday life begins.

For a child, this becomes a much bigger challenge. Kids have things they need to do each day, like us, but they are still discovering their pattern. Eat breakfast, brush your hair, get ready for school, oh! And do you have that report that is due today? Being a child is insanity. Adding a mental illness on top of that is simply unfair. I suggest we give children the deep breath they need every day. Encourage them to take a breath before talking. My daughter is loving school, so her big thing right now is packing her backpack and drinking a water. It's tiresome to me, but she enjoys making sure she has pencils and ChapStick.

Anyone can help give peace. We can listen to someone who is hurting. We can be authentic about our own pain. We can be kind first, trying not to jump to conclusions.

Probably most important, we can ask.

Ask for what you need. Ask what your loved one needs. Offer your support. Offer your affection, how ever that feels right to you (not everyone likes touch!). Be prepared to give what you would hope to receive in this position.

Execution

Today was hard for me. I needed to cry, so I cried. I needed alone time, so I laid in bed. I had panic attacks, irrational fears, and dangerous tendencies. I asked for support from my loved ones, and, while they could not spare much, it was given. I had dark thoughts, and I managed to survive them. Today was difficult, but had I hid from my pain, or my daughter’s pain, it would have been even worse.

Today I was honest, and I survived. Tomorrow will doom me to another day of honesty, be it good or bad. But I've got a plan.

1. Watch myself for signs of relapse
2. Wash my hands when feeling overwhelmed
3. Treat myself
4. Take a book when I leave the house
5. Utilize my support system. This is the hardest, but I'll trust myself to choose healthy, honest, individuals.

What will you do to take care of you?

-Nikki